lundi 9 avril 2012

Have a good dream.

Hi guys :)
Wow. It's been such a long time since I last wrote here. I have been doing nothing interesting so I didn't know what to post. But finally, a blog is also meant to be a place for you to talk about what's going on in your life, how you feel... whether it is exciting or not right?
I'm going to try to be quick, clear and not boring while telling you a bit what's going on.
Let's go:)
I am leaving for Japan on friday. How exciting right? I feel very anxious and tense about this departure, actually I have been waiting, expecting this day for 6 years now. And it feels so unreal to me. I cannot realize I'm really going there yet. I have nothing planned, nothing sorted out yet. I just recently bought my suitcase. I really don't realize that on friday I'll be in the plane, for many many many hours, and that on saturday I'll be in Tokyo.
In Tokyo... Pretty much unbelievable right?
I have even more unbelievable in my bag but I cannot really talk about it. And I don't want to either.
Here we go for a bit of random rambling. I'm in a weird position, where I have to make choices that I never thought I would have to do. As a girl, and seeing my 'past experiences' I am tired of men thinking of me as a challenge, a one night stand or a piece of meat. There's much more to me than just my appearance, just like for any person. So when you feel like you're considered as a toy, it is just upsetting and kind of painful as well.
For some reasons, men or boys should I say, are never really interested in me for something else than my appearance. It makes me wonder if there's something wrong with me? After all maybe am I not interesting, smart, funny, kind enough for people to want something more from me?
It's a shame that apparently most of the time, people come to you with something in mind. I mean, couldn't you just come to talk to someone because they look funny, nice or friendly?
I am not the kind of girl who's like, oh boys, they're all the same. They all want the same damn thing.
I actually don't believe in that, but everytime I'm proved the opposite. I'm tired of being called naïve by my friends.
It's not a secret for most of you anymore, that I have to deal with some fears, issues about sexuality. But even if I were completely confident and alright with it, I don't think I would appreciate to be asked for sex from someone I don't know. I think it would be the same for most girls right?
No girl wants to be just one among the dozens of girls you've slept with. I think it's one of the most awful thing that could happen to you, especially if you have feelings, may they be small, for that person.
Okay. You have a bit of an insight of what I am 'going through' I guess.
Life's pretty amazing, I'm grateful for everything that happens to me, every experience is a new lesson. But sometimes I really don't know what to do, I'm afraid of doing mistakes and of being hurt. Hopefully he's as kind and good as I think he is.
I willl just ask you all guys to cross your fingers for me. It would really mean a lot.


5 commentaires:

  1. So much feelings in one blog entry ...
    I should say, in my own experience (or I must say, in my many friends experiences) that if it's what I think, men can be more futile when they simply want their "meats" in their beds unfortunatly ... and in that case, especially japanese men.
    They are ALL like that, especially with gaijin. I've actually 3 of my friends who were tricked, one was 2 times.

    And no, you're someone far more interesting than usual women I see everydays, and that's quite rare for a pretty woman. Usually, they are either the beauty or the intelligence, you have both. The problem is that in our society, when men see a beautifull girl, they think "hey, this one is open, I will try to get her in my bed !"

    I wish you an awesome trip to Japan, please take a loooot of pictures for us, and maybe we will also have a video from Japan ? ^_~
    I will of course cross all my fingers for you, and wish you the best ! =)


  2. Hi Anastesia. Love watching your videos on you tube. Hope you have a great time in Japan. Take care. John x

    1. Hi, me again. Is your name Anastesia, or Emy? Im a little confused, lol

  3. Bonjour
    C'est rare de voir des messages si profonds dévoilés au grand public. Surtout écrits dans une langue différente de sa langue maternelle.
    En tout cas c'est bien d'écrire ce que l'on ressent ça aide à mon avis.
    The question is who is "he" ?


  4. Logger from Oregon21 juin 2012 à 20:58

    I hope you enjoyed your trip. One thing to open your eyes is to see a different place. The problem with Tokyo and Paris is that they are much too crowded. I am a small town guy. When I go to big cities like Paris, it seems everyone is like a trapped rat. They smell like rats, they have rat beedy eyes, they walk like rats.

    Why would they not see women as just another rat. My mother escaped Paris in 1947. She left for New York city, saw more rats, and then moved to a small town in Oregon. She was a hairdresser, so she could put her shop up anywhere she wanted. She wanted to learn English and saw an article that talked about men in the logging industry. She saw them as manly, and it turned out they were both manly, and secure in their manhood.

    One thing about rats, is they are completely insecure. They copulate with other rats and they do it not for love or companionship, but just to copulate, because they are rats.

    Anyway, my advise is to move to Brittany and find a real man. Small town, less rats, and you can develop a relationship based on both sexual attractiveness, and intelligent attractiveness. You are obviously attractive for your intelligence and wit, and you are sexually attractive, so now you just need to find a man with those same qualities. Someone who will invite you into their family. Meet their brothers and sisters, and even parents.

    The main problem in all of this, is age. Most men in their 20's are programmed to find a mate, and many become rats out of necessity. I was the same way in my 20's. My mind said rat, but I was smart enough to know I wanted to meet intelligent women. When I turned 30, the drive to have sex with every crack in the concrete finally waned, and it was then all about a career. Luckily the women I met were smarter than me, and I could choose smart and pretty easily.

    The problem with women in their 30's though, is that they are like boys in their 20's! No kidding, their motor turns on at that age, and it's rat city all over again, in reverse.

    My advice is wait until your 30's before you decide anything. You'll be a career woman by then. You can't really find a life mate in your 20's. Those are qualities only found in your 30's. Until then look at men as walking STD's. The good ones will survive, and the rats will all die.