mercredi 30 mai 2012

Falling from Cloud9.

I'm not even going to try to explain why&how I didn't post anything on here for so long.
Lately I've been feeling very down&tense, maybe because of the tests that I kind of failed. Well at least I think.The thought of having to go through more tests, or even worse to do this year over again is something I can barely stand. There's just too much pressure, too many hopes on my shoulders, I really have the duty to get this degree.
I'm still trying to lose weight, but it's been another big fail too. One of my friends is staying at my place, and we're eating all the time. I'm trying to be light on this topic, but this is really upsetting me so much. My goal is to lose around 6kilos, and I don't even know what to do anymore. I've tried all the diets you could possibly think of, I've tried working out, I've even thought about surgery. It seems nothing works well on me. I'll probably just try to eat healthy(which I usually do anyway) but in very small portions, and start working out again.
And I'm having feelings for someone who doesn't.
How much of a nice mixture is that? I'm asking you.
Still, life goes on, I'm holding on and not giving up. I'm not going to pretend everything's fine, I don't feel good, I cry when I'm alone at nights, which had not happened to me in years. But I live it as a challenge, and even through these times I know how lucky I am, and I want to seize the moment.
I believe you can fight sadness&depression, and I'm not going to let it win.
Weapons  are friends, smiles and food(ohwell).

4 commentaires:

  1. tu t'en demandes trop! tu donnes toi même les réponses, tu traverses une période difficile où tes objectifs ne sont pas atteints (tests ratés) et tu veux perdre du poids en même temps? c'est te maltraiter ça... si le seul réconfort pour l'instant que tu trouves est dans la nourriture tu peux pas en plus te demander de l'enlever. Ne te fixe pas tout en même temps! Si le moral va mieux ou que tu t'apaises alors le poids suivra. ça ne sert à rien la devise "ce qui ne me tue pas me rend plus fort", il vaut mieux accepter ce qu'on est et ce qu'on est avec ses fragilités (non pas "faiblesses") pour mieux les combattre aprés.
    je pense que tu es qqun de trés sensible,à mon avis tu as un vécu difficile, alors vas y doucement avec toi même. essaies de te comprendre. au lieu de lutter un jour cela sera plus simple.

  2. Hello! I love your blog and your pictures =) Please don't put too much pressure on you because sometimes this pressure is the reason why you're feeling down and don't succeed with your goals! If you haven't recived the exams back yet you shouldn't think such bad things! And even if you failed, you know that it is because you probably didn't study enough so it's in your own hands to make it better the next time. But I believe you passed anyway :) Also, 6 kilos are a reasonable goal and I'm sure you'll get that!!! Try to go out a lot and breath fresh air.. your metabolism will go faster if you go to the mountains for example! Oh well and the thing with love.. =) =) I wish you a strong heart! If he doesn't want you, he's truly stupid, because yu're gorgeous.

    btw, I added your blog to my blog list and am looking forward to reading your entries!

  3. I hate to see that you've been feeling down lately, I know how awful it can get when there's so much stress, anxiety and loneliness. And even though you might not feel happy or carefree at the moment, it's easy to see that you're not going to give up and you're continuing to strive for happiness. Your attitude in general will reward you in the future and things WILL get better. Just keep your head up <3

    Also in regards to the weight issue, I know how hard it is to accept weight gain and not seeing any progress in losing it, however I strongly urge you to just keep trying it the healthy way, eating good foods, lots of exerise, and only cut back on calories a little at a time and also take breaks. That way your body can adjust to the lack of weight and not end up gaining again when you start to eat normally.
    But please be careful, diets can be dangerous and can sometimes lead to eating disorders, something which unfortunately happened to me. So no matter how much you weigh or how hard it is to lose weight, never try to do it the "easy" way, just remember to stay healthy, happy and love yourself.

    You are one of the most beautiful people I have ever come across and have been watching your youtube videos for years now, and hate to see you unhappy, as you truly do deserve the most happiness from life. Stay strong and love yourself, you're wonderful :)

  4. Hello since i'm new to your videos and you don't know me i'll introduse myself. My name is
    Mario 19 years old boy from the Netherlands i like fashion, shoppin, cooking, games, music, several sports, bowling, watching movies and good food, I may be new to your videos but that doesn't mean i'm less big of a fan (sucks that i didn't discovered them earlier). When the time passed by i started to care more and begane to like you even more. And that's why i hate it to see you so depressed.

    Please don't do surgery to lose weight, i know how you feel, i also thought about surgery (crazy thoughts) especially for boy. You need anything but surgery, you are really really beautyful and not fat at all the kind of girl the average girl would be jealous on a real natural beaty. The only thing you will attract with a tight body, is the kind of guys who are out on something else you know what i mean. I assume from you videos that you are not looking for that, a guy should like you the way you are. Like a guy who really likes is going to like you more because of that tight body your beautyful enough.

    About the pressure, i think you are trying to do and achieve to many thing at the same
    time, being on a diet, working out, babysitting, fotoshoots, going to school, learn for your tests and making youtube videos. You're a human not a robot you can't do more than your body can handle. I would recommend you to drop some of these things and take a little bit more time for yourself. Also eat properly while you are having tests, you will have so much more energie and it will be so much easier to concentrate.

    Keep your head up, do what makes you happy. Good luck Mario.