I love movies. I am not an avid watcher, I don't have a favorite actor nor actress and I don't know my classics. I have never watched Titanic,Fight Club nor Kill Bill and my favorite movie is Free Willy.
But I love movies. I'm just extremely picky when it comes to cinema, that's it.
It is too easy to be disappointed in a movie. I need to like the aesthetic, the plot, the actors, the musics, the way it is filmed. Basically everything.
Moreover I read a lot, and I don't really like watching movies if I have already read the story/book.
I love writing. You all know that I think. I've always loved it, I've always done it, and I've always had the same exact method to do it. I see a movie inside my head. A real movie. The lights, the settings, the shots, the close ups... And then I write everything down. I love writing, and I find it quite easy. I would also like to think that I don't do it too badly.
Words give you HUGE amount of possibilities. You can read them again and again, the beauty won't disappear. Flaubert, Stendhal, Wilde, Tchekhov...
I can only be in awe of their talent, sensitivity, originality. Words fall exactly how they are meant to. Sentences are running after one another in a miraculous order.
As a child, as a teenager, and now as a young adult, my biggest dream hasn't changed at all.
Having one of my stories published would be the biggest achievement of my life, the biggest source of happiness and probabaly make my inner child feel at peace.
Last week end, I went to the movies, to watch Ruby's sparks.
I loved the movie. This reminded me of how much I love writing.
I'm very lazy, but I can't be that lazy that I am forgetting my dream again&again, wasting precious time that I could use to improve myself. What I could write today will never be the same as what I'll write in ten days, weeks or months. Years is way too scary to say!
To be honest, these past two years, with being so deeply 'in love" with that mysterious(aha) man, I have somehow been extremely close&far from myself.
I have discovered new aspects of my personality, I've grown up, I've learnt so much about life, love, happiness but I completely forgot about 'me'. All I could think of, being him.
I think it is time to connect again with myself.
First steps will be : - writing again
- buying myself FINALLY AFTER 14YEARS a typewriter
- clothesmakeuphair . stop caring about what someone else could think of you.
- use all the time that I now have for myself, to educate myself about things I like.
I guess everyone has a secret(or not) dream. I hope you're not letting your dream along the way.
I guess what I'd like to say with this entry, after the depressing and weak last one, is that it only takes some will to be the one you want to be. To do the things you want to do.
I guess it is good sometimes to have a little reminder, and this is exactly what this movie was to me.
A reminder of who I am, deep inside.