jeudi 15 novembre 2012

You've always been loved. You are important.

I'm warning you, this post is going to be long and maybe a bit personal, covering subjects that some people don't want to read or hear about (aka god). But after all this is my blog, and I have felt like writing this entry all day long. Not sure where it's going to lead me exactly, though. We shall discover it together!

 Let aside beauty related questions, the question that I get asked the most frequently is probably how do I do to be positive, to keep smiling, to be happy always, and to have self confidence. I'll probably do a video about self confidence( though I still have no clue how to have some). First thing first, I'm not always happy. In fact, if you've known me for a long time( more than 4years), which is unlikely to be if you're reading this, you'd be surprised to know that people consider me an optimistic person. I am, myself, somehow too always surprised and quite puzzled when I get this question. I feel like looking around in doubts "are you talking to me?". But on the other hand, words come immediatly. The answer is pretty obvious, and that makes me think that maybe, I'm indeed an optimistic girl.

This hasn't always been the case. I've already talked about it in some videos or some blogposts, but not really in depths and details. I'm not going to do it now either, because I don't feel truly comfortable with sharing that part of me, which I don't really share, even with my closest friends. But I'll try to talk about it a bit, just to give you an idea of the change that can occur in someone's personality and ways to see life&the world.
I was an unhappy child, I was an unhappy young teenager, and I was a somehow sad teenager still.
My favourite words as a child were 'no' and 'why'. Why is still one of my favourite ones, but no definitely doesn't make it to the top 3anymore. Why is now paired with yes. No more no for me, thanks.
Growing up, I had no appetite for life. I had appetite for litterature and music only. Especially litterature. Books were basically my world. They were my best friends. And they still are the ones I go back to when I feel down or lost.
Why was I that child and teenager? I had really good parents, I had really good school grades, I had friends. I had basically everything that would make up a nice childhood. But nice isn't at all the word that comes to my mind when remembering about that time of my life.
I have always thought that people were divided into three categories. The ones that are born happy, the ones that are born sad ant the ones that are neutral, on the middle line. Anyone can be happy, anyone can be sad obviously. But if nothing happens, if you just let your heart and mind at peace, I think some people will naturally be happy, feel good and some will no matter what, feel nostalgic, sad.
I think I was born a sad one. I have been sad most of my life, not the desperately sad girl crying and complaining, no. The saddest thing is that for me being sad was natural, logical. There was a priori, nothing wrong with being sad. When I think of my life until I turned 14, I picture a dark and heavy cloud always above my head. Never leaving me alone. I've thought about suicide, or death since I was 8. Just thinking there wouldn't be anything I'd miss really if I were dead, and that it wouldn't be a dramatic thing to die..
Now you understand why I feel always somehow puzzled when someone asks me what is my secret to happiness.

There's obviously no formula to happiness. No amazing magical recipe that would turn every gray day into a shinny one.
However there are few tips and tricks, few tools, few little secrets that can greatly change your life.
You already know how music helped and helps me, if not , there's an older entry about it.
The other thing or event that truly transformed my whole life, and that I don't really talk about is God.
My parents are atheists, my whole family is, my friends also kind of are. I've been to catholic middle and highschool and that is my only religious background. I've always been really interested in religions, I've never been one of these closed or defiant teenager when it came to that matter. I was in fact really interested, I truly enjoyed talking with priests, going to religious classes and to the weekly mass that we had in the school chapel. That last until I turned 13. However, despite my strong interest for anyform of religion, I never felt that I belived in God. I read a lot about buddhism, islam, hinduism... I liked religious people, I liked learning about religions but it wasn't something I felt in me.

Until the day I saw the light. I probably already lost many of you, and surely a greater number when writing this sentence. But this is really how it happened, and how I remembered it. I was at a mass, the whole school was singing and while looking at the cross in front of us, I felt a wave of love, of light of astonishing softness coming to me. It was an overwhelming feeling, a very warm and strong sensation. As if the whole church suddenly became brighter, and the brightness since then has never really left me.
 Does this make me a christian? A catholic? Not really. If I had to pick up a religion I'd pick christianism, for it is the one that appeals the most to me, especially because of Jesus. But I agree with so many things of buddhism, I found peace reading the Book of Spirits and I will never see the Pope as someone important.

To put it simply, dogma isn't my thing. I believe in a God of Love, that loves everyone and everything. A God present in everything, in everyone for we all have a spark within us, that we must nourish until it blazes into eternal light. 

Though I don't think of myself as a catholic, I go to church often, I end my prayers with the lord's prayer and if you were to ask me who is a role model or inspiring person, I'd think of Jesus.
What is really a shame is that so many people despise God or believers because they immediatly think that  we are integrists, or stupid people who have been taught to do this or to think that.
It's not the truth. You don't have to look, to behave, to think, to live a certain way to believe in God. You don't have to fit into any category.
You can live very well without God, if that is your choice, it's fine. I'm not trying to force anyone to believe, I'm just saying that maybe you feel lonely. Maybe you feel lost, maybe you don't have hope anymore or you feel like no one is here for you or understands you. If this is the case, just like it somehow was for me, maybe you should try to open your heart and your mind a bit more, for God is always here, even when you deny its existence. The light, the love, the kindness that becoming aware of his existence brought to my life is the biggest love I could ever think of.

So why am I optimistic and smiling always? Because I love life, I love people... Sure!
But also because I have God by my side. I guess for people who don't believe in God that makes no sense, but when you realize that there's someone that wanted you to be alive, someone who has a plan for you, who trusts you, loves you just for who you are, someone who will never leave you; life changes.

Everything has a reason, everything becomes beautiful, logical and precious. You are a beautiful person living in a beautiful world. You can do beautiful things, you can feel beautiful things, you can meet so many beautiful people.

Hate, anger, jealousy... they are blown away. I'm not perfect obviously, I still get irritated, and still feel jealous times to times. But I'll do my very best to avoir any mean word, any criticism or basically to huyrt anyone in anyway. To condamn, judge, blame or have any bad feelings. I have no desire to revenge, to fight or any regrets in my heart.

I focus on love, sympathy, gratitude and helping people

Only by writing this entry I feel my heart warm, I feel at peace. So that is my biggest secret to happiness.
And I wanted to share it with you guys. If you've made it to the end of this text, thank you and congrats!
Feel free to let me know what are your thoughts on it, it's always interesting to know what's going on in people's mind.
I hope this post somehow was interesting, helpful or inspiring to some of you.
In no way was I trying to convince you that everyone should believe.
I'm just sharing what has brought me the most joy in my life,
because it would be pretty selfish not to do it, right?!

11 commentaires:

  1. I've really enjoyed what you've written there, definetly. My thoughts are quite simple, there might be a God somewhere (he love to stay hidden xD), but not like one religion says. If we want to have something really correct if you wanna be religious, then you should regroup all the religions in one. That's obviously ONLY my point of view, but since you're asking to tell about what we have in mind, I do it.
    It's a really picky subject, but you wrote that blog entry so well, that if someone wanna attack you for X or Y reasons, you won't be in fault anyway ! ;)

    I sometimes pray, but only for myself. I think I pray to try to feel better, or you find some solutions in my problems. It doesn't always work, but I try. If spirits exists, then something else exist somewhere else, who is good. Some people call it "God", others "Budha" or "Allah" (pas sûr de l'orthographe xD), but all these names is for the same and only person/divinity ! :)

    I hope anyone who feel "sad" and who read this will find some help, really. I do love discovering about stuff, as I did the same as you, going to the church, discovering about the teaching, and this when I was a child. Because sharing point of views does help to improve his own one, right ?

    As usual, don't stop to write on your blog, you're a very interesting person (V.I.P. ! xD), and I do love your personality. =)

    PS : On a side note, you have written :
    "I'll do my very best to avoir any mean word", you mean "avoiD", right ? ^^


  2. Antastesia,

    You should pray and ask God to really show you who He is and what you are to Him. If you are really seeking Him, you will find Him. He is waiting on all of us to choose to seek Him. Read John 3:16 in the Bible.If you believe that Jesus is the Son of God and that He died for your sins, and rose from the grave, thats all that matters.

    You might also like Their home church is in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, USA, but they have campuses all over the USA and in other countries too. They have archived services online. I used to go to church there when I was living in Oklahoma City going to college. Craig Groschel is the pastor. REALLY good speaker and teacher. You might also check out Francis Chan if you like to read. He is a pastor and a really good author too. Crazy Love is a good book that he wrote.

    I love reading your blog and learning about what is going on.

    Hope you have a wonderful day,


  3. Hi Amy
    There is no doubt you expressed it well, and I am sure everybody of us will appreciate you for your blog. To find happiness, is to give happiness. I listened from somebody, happiness increases on sharing & sadness decreases on sharing.
    So, keep trying to decrease your sadness, you know what I mean (stay in touch)

    Your Well Wisher

  4. Hy! my name is Laurent.
    I have just find your video on Youtube, and next this blog.
    I would like to ask you, if you could share with me your blog's playlist?
    ps: Your video on youtube are very interesting for me because I try to improve my english and I think it's important to listen some video to learn

  5. Thanks for this post! God is truly amazing and is the source of joy and happiness.

  6. What a stunning post! I think this will help a lot of people out there. :)

  7. Hey Emy!It's India.
    I loved your post. I puts a smile on my face that you found God and believe in Jesus Chris, especiallu since you come from an atheist family. God is great! I love God and I agree with the other poster- if you are seeking out God, you will find him & he will reveal himself to you. I am so happy for you!
    I have a lot going on in my life now and was an unhappy child too. But I always talk and pray to God because I know He's the only one who can pull me through.

    May God bless you! :)

  8. It surely is the best non-naïve way to believe in God.
    I envy you

  9. Dear Emy,

    You're right when you say that many non-believers immediately distrust anyone who professes belief in God, and equally right in saying that they are wrong to do so. I had no idea from watching your videos that you were religious, and I certainly don't think you want to force religion on your audience. However, for the sake of balance, I thought I'd point out that when you write, "God is always here, even when you deny its existence" and that it is just a matter of "realising" or "opening one's heart and mind", then, though it might be unintentional or tacit, you actually are forcing beliefs upon people by deriving objectivity from your own experiences.

  10. Emy, that sounds wonderful. I was very unhappy during childhood and adolescence too and would have loved to have had God by my side. I had always liked Jesus's teachings but unfortunately I never had any exposure to any religion, at home or at school. I want to have faith and feel God's love but I do not know where to start. I do not know how to get into this lifestyle or how christians are supposed to act. What kinds of books should I read for introductory information (besides the Bible? I also don't understand very well what the different parts of the Bible are and what the old testmament and new testmament are.) I also worry a little about not blending in because I am Asian and almost everybody in my town is white, even more so in the church. Any help would be greatly appreciated!